Brian has a long, illustrious history of being shit at video games. From WCW vs. nWo on the 64, to Worms, to Counterstrike, to Mario Kart, the list is limited only by the economic constraints of Japan, vast as they are. But perhaps his biggest video game shortcomings is in GoldenEye. The man has been killed by everyone, Boris and Robinson, especially.
The best way to be good at video games is to play against Brian, but that isn’t an option for Brian. So, Brian here are some tips for how to not suck at GoldenEye.
- Don’t die. This one is tricky.
- Don’t play against anyone else.
- Sell your video game system.
- Go outside and play some other sports, like volleyball. Then stop when you realize you suck at that, too.
- Buy a Game Genie, I guess? Some cheat codes?
- Play as Oddjob. (EDITOR’S NOTE: Everyone who plays as Oddjob sucks by default, consider another course of action.)
These are five helpful pointers, but a mere road map. It is up to you to make the journey and let it be your guide.
teachingbrian 
Brian, for a guy like you, if you try really, really, really hard, you may be able to not lose every single time forever. Not sure though, you do kinda suck.
Keep on steamin’ and see what happens.
I’d say you have a 1 in a million chance of not sucking worse than anyone ever. Good luck.
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I once knew a guy named Brian and he sucked. I like this website.
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I like the site too Mr. Donaldberry, thanks!
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hi guys i’m billy
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hey billy i’m good at stuff like designing websites on how to be good at stuff
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Hey man, we’re pulling for you here in Gaston, SC. You should prolly choose #2 going forward. Sounds like the best choice for a guy like you.
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It is true that Brian has never been very good at video games. He is the only guy I could ever knock out consistently. I have an undefeated, unscored upon record against Brian. When I fought Brian, he always made me feel like they should call it “Glass Joe’s Punch Out.” Thanks Brian & stay glassy!
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Video games are the devil. I applaud Mr. Brian for not caving to these Satanist, communist video games. I don’t know who you think you are, with your high tech “website”. But I will be praying for your salvation.
P.S. Brian, I gave you the manly “kiss on the penis” that we agreed was okay once a year. I’m still waiting for the other side of our bargain – the anal Tennessee.
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